December Reflections from an Interfaith Mom

Pleased to be the guest blogger for Jewish Learning Venture for December

https://jewishlearningventure.org/december-reflections-from-an-interfaith-mom/

Christmas from my Eyes

Our 25th annual holiday party was last week. It concluded on the 5th night of Hanukkah, so we invited everyone who was still here to light the candles and say the blessings with us. They were clearly honored to join us. One even reached out and asked if I could share a picture of him lighting the candles. I can't help but wonder if he was going to share it with Jewish family. When I shared the pictures with parents, several told me that their child had never lit a menorah before. (I'm not surprised.) It felt good to give them that opportunity. After we said the blessings, I made sure that husband translated it for them. I think that if you are going to say a religious blessing in another language, you should know what you just said. 

It's fun to hear our children's friends' response to our annual sing-a-long. When Son's friend's mom and I were talking about whether she could make it to the party this year, she told me what a good time her son had last year. "Mom, we sang Christmas Carols, while Mr. G. played them on the piano...Um, aren't they Jewish?"

Once the party is over, I sort of enjoy going out into the world that is Christmas. The hectic parking lots, the beautifully-decorated mall, the frantic shoppers - knowing that I can truly enjoy the season. Santa always fills my children's stockings, and there is a gift or two. But I don't have the stress of finding and wrapping piles of gifts. It's particularly nice, when Hanukkah has passed before Christmas Eve.

It was a long time ago that we decided not to have a Christmas tree. I do enjoy seeing those of my family and friends; however, I no longer feel like there is an empty space in my home or heart where our tree should be. We do decorate - with snowmen and carolers. After our holiday party this year, one of the stockings that is hung by the chimney with care was filled with a surprise visitor - the Mensch on a Bench. Yet again, an interesting interfaith twist.

Christmas Eve is one of my favorite nights of the year. We spend a family-filled relaxing evening together with my extended family. I have pictures of the kids sitting around the Christmas tree every year. We haven't done gifts for years, so it's truly family time. This year, we're going to have some fun with a white elephant gift swap. That should be entertaining.

Christmas Day is also spent with extended family. This year, we'll be having brunch together. So, we might even be Jews on Christmas and go out for Chinese food for dinner.

I can't lie; this week is never easy. I will always wonder what would have been. What would my tree look like? How many gifts would be under it? Would my stair rail be wrapped with greens? Would the lawn and house be draped with lights? Would we go to Mass on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Would the church be breathtaking? No one seems to "get" it. Everyone seems to think that I've got it all together and can't imagine why I get anxious after doing this for 20 years. Sometimes I don't understand it either. But, I do enjoy the season with an unexpected burst of tears here and there.

No matter how you choose to celebrate it, Merry Christmas!

51 and 53 Apple Lane

I grew up at 53 Apple Lane. In my mind, if it happened at 51 Apple Lane but not at 53 Apple Lane, it must have been a Jewish thing. So, when the Weinsteins ate bagels, it was a Jewish thing. If they drank Bloody Mary's on Sunday, it was a Jewish thing. If they hung "famous" paintings on their walls, it was a Jewish thing. These were all things my Italian/German Catholic family did not do, so it had to be a Jewish thing!

The Weinsteins celebrated Chanukah/Hanukkah/Hanukah. My Dad pronounced it "Sha-noo-ka." My family celebrated Christmas. My Dad always looked forward to the holiday, I can't remember which one it was, when Mrs. Weinstein brought him some pickled herring! Mrs. Weinstein enjoyed eating my Mom's pizzelles. Susan and Karen came to our house on Christmas Day to see what Santa brought. And, Mrs. Weinstein was always happy when my parents decorated the outside of the house with lights and lit up the Christmas tree in the front window. It was Mrs. Weinstein who loaded us girls into the station wagon to drive through town to check out all of the Christmas lights!

The Weinsteins were the only Jews I knew until about 1985. I'm sure I knew others, but I couldn't name them. I went to Catholic school, and just about everyone in my neighborhood was Christian.

One of the girls was born on Christmas Eve, which was simply December 24th to her. I used to wonder whether she was something special because she was a Jewish baby born on the same night as Jesus was born. One night, on her birthday, she waited up all night long for the jolly guy and his sleigh to land on my roof! Christmas was never the same after that!

Why am I thinking about the Weinstein girls today? I came across the "interfaith parenting" books I've collected through the years and decided to re-read them. The first one was "How I Saved Hanukkah" by Amy Goldman Koss. I thought about how lucky this Catholic girl was to have two wonderful Jewish friends to grow up with in the suburbs. Yes, we were different in some ways, but in our day-to-day life, we were just a gaggle of girls having fun! I traveled with them. I shopped with them. We rode bikes together. Their parents were like parents to me. I can't imagine growing up without them as my neighbors. I always knew they were Jewish, but in the 60's and 70's in our planned community it didn't matter.

Was I oblivious? Did they know they were Jewish in a very Christian world? Did they feel comfortable in my Catholic home? Did they enjoy the Christmas decorations and coming over to see my presents? I wonder. I know that there was never a day when I felt uncomfortable in their home.

Now I wonder if my kids' friends ever think if it happens at our house and not at their house, "Oh, it must be a Jewish thing!" 

If your child has friends or cousins of the other faith, I encourage you to track down a copy of How I Saved Hanukkah.