I have been an interfaith Mom for 24 years. The time has come when both of my 21+ year old children have been dating wonderful young people who are not Jewish. Does this surprise my husband and me? No. Does it concern me? Not really. Personally, I just want them to think about what it means should the day arrive when they decide to make their relationship a lifelong commitment, one that very well could include children. My biggest concern is that they don't think about it at all. I tried to make it look easy. I tried to have them not witness the sadness that sometime overtook me. I tried to make them feel like our life was just like any other family. I think I succeeded. As a result, it made me wonder if they might be thinking, "Well, Mom and Dad did it. Of course, we can." So, one day, I began to dictate questions into my phone - questions I think should be pondered by every young person seriously dating a person of a different faith. Some parents may even think that Jews of different branches or Christians of different branches should also consider some of these questions.
For the record, we asked our son first. He's the younger one, and he had no idea the questions were coming. Without us knowing, he asked his girlfriend of 9 months (at the time). We don't know her responses. Then we asked our daughter, also without warning. We asked her to let us ask her boyfriend of nearly three years. We asked him with her present. All of them played along, and none of them seemed offended.
Although my husband would say differently, I don't think any of these questions have a wrong answer. My goal is just to make sure that they have an answer. And, hopefully, they will encourage a conversation or two.
I would really enjoy reading your responses to the questions in the comment selection below - or on Facebook.
1. What is the purpose of religion?
2. What does it mean to raise a child in both religions?
3. What does it meant to raise a child with no religion and let them choose?
4. If you choose to raise a child in the religion of your spouse, what are the implications for you?
5. Are there beliefs, dogma, or theology in the other person's religion that conflict with what you believe?
6. If the answer to the question above is yes, how would you feel if your child believed that? Or if they came home from church/synagogue/religious school talking about it?
7. While growing up, if someone asked me, "What are you?" I'd say Italian and German. I wouldn't say Catholic. Some religions, Judaism as example, are considered a "culture." What does that mean?
8. If you choose to raise your children in your spouse's religion, will you still celebrate your own holidays? If so, will you celebrate them in your home? What will that look like? Or will you celebrate them with your extended family?
9. If you choose to raise your children in your religion, how will your spouse feel when you take your children to services or Mass?
10. If you choose to raise your children in your religion, how will you feel if your spouse takes your children to their religious services or Mass?
11. If you choose to raise your children in your religion, what are your expectations for your spouse? Will you go to Mass or services as a family? Will they participate in religious school?
12. If you choose to raise your children in your spouse's religion, what are your expectations for yourself? Will you go to Mass or services as a family? Will you participate in religious school?
