From a Mom's Perspective

My friend's Jewish daughter is engaged to be married to a Catholic man. She was very kind to share HER STORY with me. I imagine her story is very similar to my own Mom's story.  I hope her story will give you a new perspective.

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From my Guest Blogger, who chose to remain anonymous

Growing up, my mom told me that marrying a Jewish guy would make things easier. So, of course, she was happy when I married a nice Jewish boy from my town. The fact is, no matter where your love story begins or how much you love your spouse, marriage isn’t easy.  

This year, I find myself the mom of a daughter who is engaged to a nice Catholic boy. He is a kind, caring and smart young man; we've become very close with him over the past year and a half. About 9 months ago, he asked my husband and me for permission to marry our daughter. Ah, so old-fashioned and sweet! Yet, I said, "No. First, the two of you need to have a conversation about religion, faith, and family. And, if you plan to have children, you need to know how they’ll be raised."

Weeks went by. Then they came back to us with excitement and said they have it all figured out! They’ll raise the children Jewish. You might think that I'd be doing the happy dance. Instead, I had more questions. What does "raising the children Jewish" really mean? I worry. Will they carry on the tradition of bringing light into their home and unplugging at the end of each work week with Shabbat candles? Will they sing Shabbat Shalom like we’ve done since our daughter was born? 

I have concerns. When I'm no longer able to host the Passover Seder, will they feel the need to bring the family together under their roof for our Seder and dinner antics?  Will their children go to Tot Shabbat or will they miss out on the fun? Will they Cook for a Friend? Will they attend Purim Carnivals? 

My worries return, but this time they are different. I worry about their marriage. I’m worried that religion will become a a cause for stress, or, worse, a divisive concept. So, they may either avoid celebrating anything or be split in their celebrations. I’m concerned that in their effort to be both, they’ll be neither; in their hope to blend, they’ll have a watered down version of both. Then those celebrations will lack meaning. 

Most of all, I’m fearful of them not having faith and a spiritual connection to something bigger than themselves – that sense of awe and gratitude that is recognized through Judaism. 

They think it will be easy…….but it’s not……

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As I reflect on our conversation, I'm pretty sure that my mother had the same thoughts back in 1991 - from the Catholic perspective. I miss you, Mom.