Bringing Challah to Pesach

If you're a mom raising children in a religion other than your own, it helps to have engaged extended family members. As it turns out, when we decided to raise our future children Jewish, my mother-in-law had already been battling cancer for a couple of years. We lost her only 6 months after our daughter was born. So, I began my journey as an interfaith mom with a significant piece of my "raising my children Jewish" support system gone.

Having taught in a religious school, albeit Catholic, I knew how important building a solid foundation was. So, both of our children attended preschool at a Jewish day school. I figured that while they went to preschool surrounded by Jewish prayers, learning to say them in Hebrew, learning the Hebrew alphabet, and celebrating the holidays, that I, the non-Jewish mother, would be educated at the same time. It worked. No matter what the activity was, my husband and I were both there to participate - when she was the Shabbat Girl and he the Shabbat Boy, Grandparents' Day, Services, and field trips. My father-in-law and sister-in-law came to many of the events as well. My local Jewish sister-in-law made the decision that she would be surrogate grandmother to our children and attend all of the events she knew her mother would have attended. My other sister-in-law lives across the country, but she has always been there as a support as well. I never felt like I was alone.(Thanks :) )

While anticipating raising children in a religion that is not my own, I expected that the Christian holidays would be my hardest days. Don't get me wrong; those days are tough. However, it's the day-to-day little things that could take me over the edge.

One of the early struggles I had was the need to send a Dairy meal to preschool for lunch. Oh, and by the way, there was a peanut allergy, so we could not send PB&J. Yikes! I had no idea what I was going to send on the days that my daughter stayed for lunch. I felt like I was wearing a scarlet letter saying NOT JEWISH, and I didn't want to mess up. (I feared that I would be the one to offer to bring Challah to Pesach!) We somehow managed, and our children did not starve. Yet, 12 years later, I still cringe at the memory of making lunches for preschool.

Field trips were hard for me, as I watched the other mothers chatting away. They had their friends, and I never felt like I fit in. I desperately wanted to, but I was truly nervous about joining in on their conversations. I felt like I would say something wrong. Years later, I became friendly with some of those moms and discovered, in many cases, it was all in my head. So, if you are new to this world and want to be a part of it, take the plunge. Believe me, it can't be much harder than making the decision to raise your children in another faith.

Shortly after our second child was born, we joined a local synagogue. Our son was still in a baby carrier, and our daughter was a toddler. My sister-in-law and her husband also joined this congregation, even though, while their children were growing up, they had been members of another one. It has always been comforting to see them at services through the years. It made me feel like this decision was bigger than the two of us.

Being a member of a congregation was a key part of our growth as an interfaith family. It gave us events to attend - the Purim carnival, Friday night services, a chocolate Seder, Tot Shabbat, and family services. I like to do things 110%, so I knew I had to get involved. I organized the library. I worked on an art auction. I even organized and facilitated a panel discussion about Planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah! Although our children attended another preschool, I helped with the launch of our congregation's preschool. There were times that people were surprised to hear that I was an interfaith mom, and I wasn't Jewish.

Fortunately, my sister-in-law's husband's extended family has become our adopted Jewish family. Between my sister-in-law and her extended family we had every holiday meal covered. As the kids got older, we hosted our share of holiday meals as well. My sisters-in-law can tell you that I called them several years in a row to find out if we needed wine for Erev Rosh Hoshanah or what we needed to include on a seder plate. 

I have been very lucky to have a supportive extended Jewish family. I believe that a sense of belonging is important. Not feeling like you are on the outside looking in is essential. Feeling like you are part of your child's religious education is priceless.