Making the Decision

As my now-husband and I got more serious, it became clear that Religion was an issue. He was a Cantor’s son. I was a devout Catholic. We were in love. So, prior to even getting engaged, we decided to go for some pre-marriage counseling on the challenges facing interfaith marriages and families. We attended an 8 week session with 3 other couples. The outcome of that class was that the only real answer was to raise our children Jewish. We weren’t satisfied. One of the other couples found another counselor, so 3 of the couples, including us, moved on together. The result? The two of us decided we’d raise our children with an awareness and appreciation for both of our backgrounds, but we wouldn’t raise them in either religion.

I really don't remember telling our parents of this decision, although I am sure we did. Not too long afterward, we got engaged. Our wedding was at a hotel with both a rabbi and a priest officiating. Both of our families celebrated with us.

A few years into our marriage, another interfaith friend, who had raised his child in no religion, commented how his teenage son sometimes didn’t get jokes. Why? Because he didn’t have a strong enough background in any religion to understand their meaning. That really bothered me; I couldn't let it go.

I knew that my husband couldn’t raise his children Catholic. He told me that he’d feel like a foreigner in his own home. So, on my own, I considered if I could raise our children Jewish. At this point, I was no longer teaching. I was in the corporate world. I had expanded my horizons. And I was having difficulty getting pregnant. I decided to take an Intro to Judaism course at a local Reform Synagogue. It was 20 weeks long and included lots of reading in between. The course was taught by a female Rabbi. Some students were converting. Others were new to the religion. Some just wanted to re-educate themselves as adults.

My goal: to see if I could be comfortable raising my future children in a faith that I knew very little about. I wanted to see if I had any qualms about the beliefs. I wanted to be sure that there was no anti-Catholic sentiment.

After about 40 weeks worth of considering what it would mean to be part of an interfaith marriage and the impact it would have on our parents, children, and the two of us, I felt like I had it figured out.

At the conclusion of the course, I went to my husband and told him that I wanted our children to have a religious identity, and I was willing to raise them Jewish.